Tyson Chicken Ears

LINCOLN, Neb. – Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn't like being called "fat." Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.
He told them that he'd been bitten at a party.
Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.
Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.
Flood said the ear chunk was not found.
Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody Wednesday. Case records don't yet list her attorney's name.


You know what happens when I call my nephew fat? He bites my ear or he sits on me. This is a typical fat response. Maybe she should've sat on this dude. I think he would've learned a lesson. We as skinny animals are only looking out for the well being of the fat animals. You gotta tell them because apparently they don't see it! Some animals just can't stop eating like this Katie girl. She finished her sammich then decided to go for this dude's ear Mike Tyson style. Was the ear necessary? Couldn't you have skipped a course maybe? Maybe the Tyson brand should add ears to their frozen chicken products. Get it? Tyson? Ears? Chicken wings? right.... anyway.... Rylee just eats and eats and eats and you know what? Now he can't clean his pooper! That's right. He can't reach. I wonder if this girl can clean her pooper?

Dancing with the Stars

Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

There have been a lot of rumors going around that I, Rudie The Angry Cat, am not the author of this blog and it is in fact my brother Chad. I now provide you with video evidence of me reading over and typing up one of my past blog posts. Notice how dark it is in the room? That's because I do it while my brother is sleeping or away. Shun the non-believers!!

Don't Tread On Me

So my brother is into this workout called "CrossFit." I have no idea what it's about nor do I care. I'm past my active days. I don't even feel like batting a ball or chasing a laser pointer around anymore. Everyone in this family exercises, but I would much rather just sit in the sink and drink water out of the faucet. Anyway... Someone sent this to me so I think I'm going to recommend this workout to someone.

Pukey Puppy

WINONA, Minn. - Police say an 18-year-old has a pretty good excuse for why he crashed his car into a utility pole in Winona: his dog puked on him.


The Winona Daily News reported police found the car unattended last Thursday morning against an Xcel Energy pole. Witnesses told officers they saw a man leaving the area and walking a beagle.


The teen, who does not have insurance or a Minnesota driver's license, called police about four hours later to confess.


The man told police he was driving when his dog started "throwing up all over him."


Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams said the story checked out — police found vomit in the car.


The pole had only minor damage. The man was cited for driving without insurance or a license.


What do I always say about dogs? They are so stupid! When you're driving with your dog does the dog not hang it's head out the window with its tongue hanging out? Why the eff would the dog come back in and puke all over the car if its damn head is out the window. Man...I'm glad I'm a cat. Admittedly I do puke a lot but I'm old, I eat a lot of grass and my stomach isn't as strong as it used to be. I'm not puking on people though! I choose a nice visible area on the wood floor so people can see it to clean. Well.... mostly I want someone to slip on it. heehee ::evil cat face::

Enlarged Night Stick

JAKARTA (Reuters) – Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won't get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.

An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged," said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.

"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds.

A low-level separatist insurgency has waged in the resources-rich part of Indonesia for decades and there is a heavy police and military presence there.

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy) tree so that it swells up "like it has been stung by a bee," the expert said.

I say kill the bastards with the penis enlargements!! ALL of them! Not just cops! Okay...maybe I'm just jealous because mine got chopped off.

Aw Shit!

ALBION, Ind. - Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion.


Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun.


The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail.

Now here's a story for you. This dude hides in a mound of poop. Clearly he must've been high out of his mind if he jumped head first into the poo pile. Even on my craziest cat nip highs I've never wanted to go near poo. In fact I tend to run from it. I'll drop a number 2 in the sand box and then I'm out of there!! Sometimes I don't even bury it if it's bad. I'll just let one of the humans get it. Not this guy. This guy hides in it. Dog poo is the worst too.... well... my nephew's is the worst. I won't even go anywhere NEAR the sandbox after he's been in it. Oh man.. that's the WORST. You have a 3 minute window to scoop that shit because it is pungent. whhheeeeewwwwwww. Ok... that's enough poo talk for the morning.

Breakfast Brawl

Cafe owners come to blows in Somerville square

The one meal I love most in this world is breakfast. Everything that humans eat for breakfast I would just mow. My human parents like to eat breakfast for dinner on Tuesdays sometimes and I get so excited. Sometimes i will sit there and put on my cute face and purr.  Every now and then CindyMom will sneak me some nomnoms. Bacon is my absolute favorite. I will just chew on bacon all day long, but don't try to give me any of those effin beggin strips. I know the difference. You know what else I love? Corn muffin tops. ohh yes. I will eat the shit out of those and leave the rest. There will be muffin top crumbs stuck in my cat beard and I don't even care. They are that good. I especially love when there is butter on it. People leave their stuff on the kitchen counter and I will sniff that shit out and scavenge the shit out of it. mmmm....

This leads me to the point of this blog post... a few weekends ago my brother came home raving about this breakfast place in Sommerville called SoundBites and their grilled corn bread. He knows how much I love me some corn bread so I guess he wanted to rub it in that it was so good. I bit his nose. Anyway... I was browsing the net for shit to make fun of for you guys and this article came up and I thought it was fitting and hilarious. Literally right next door to Soundbites is this place called Ball Square Cafe which also serves breakfast and I guess the two owners hate each other. They get into frequent verbal and physical arguments. Over breakfast? Yeah.... breakfast is that good. I would scratch the shit out of someone that wanted to steal my bacon. These guys are spitting and throwing punches. I'm gonna go ahead and take the side of the SoundBites dude. I mean... what kind of a douche bag do you have to be to open up a breakfast place next door to another breakfast place that is pretty successful? Can't you just go across the street or maybe down the street a little? I feel like that would be more productive. Like... if you opened up a breakfast shop that was a quarter mile down on the same road then you would have fat humans being all like "OMG I want breakfast but I am too fat to walk to Soundbites. Why don't we just go to this Ball Street Cafe instead? That was I can be fat and not out of breath?" It's kinda like my nephew Rylee. Dude's all like "OMG KITTEH WANS NOMS. WERE IZ MAH NOMSSS?" Then he'll see my effin breakfast and the emeffer will mow that! Do you know why? Because he is fat and he doesn't want to walk all the way over to his food. Effin hate that because then the humans think that I ate it all and then I won't get any more foods. Maybe I should spit on that little bastard just like these two breakfast goons?

John Lackey: Muppet?

Have you guys heard John Lackey talk? It's hilarious. He sounds like a muppet. The post game interviews are great. I don't even know what he's saying but it cracks me up. In honor of him pitching today I will post you think hilarious clip from Toucher and Rich on 98.5 The Sports Hub.

Naptime

Takin a nap, bitch. Go away.

A Use For Dogs

Bark4Beer makes the world’s best dog collar: a retractable bottle opener and dog collar in one. That’s right, a bottle opener and dog collar in one. That means, no more searching for a bottle opener around your house, or at a pool party, bbq, or even at the beach — just call over your favorite four-legged friend. Add “fetch me a beer” to your dog’s bag of tricks. Our Bark4Beer dog collar makes a great gift for you, your loved one, fraternity brother, college roommate, hunting friends, tailgate posse and of course your dog. Bring out your inner party animal today.

Finally someone found a use for dogs. I just think dogs are so retarded. Do they even have brains? Like if I'm your cat and you come home from work I'm just gonna lift my head and give a "hey. sup?" You have things you have to do when you come home. Maybe you need a snack. Maybe you need to use the sand box. Maybe you want to change and flop on the couch for a bit. I'll come over to you when I feel it's time. A stupid dog will attack you as soon as you walk in the door and lick your face. Who likes to be licked anyway? That's so dumb. Is there food on your owner, you dumb dog? He probably tastes like sweat and farts from sitting in the car for so long. What's up with dogs that use the sand box all over the floor when you come home? You know what I do when I get excited? I purr and maybe give you a head  butt. I do not pee on your floor. Gross. 

I think this product is hilarious, because you call ol' Fido over and he thinks you're going to give him love and affection but really you just want a beer. haha stupid dog. Go get me a beer. I'm not a fan of beer at all. I'm more of a classy cat, and I choose to drink coffee brandy or Bailey's Irish Cream. This would definitely be an exception. I would drink the shit out of beer if I knew I could make a dog my puppet. If only I could teach a dog how to turn on the water faucet. Hmm... now that's an idea...

Watch this stupid dog...

Bud Light... pfffft. Just proves this dog is dumb.

Boobquake

Has any one heard of this? This was sent to me and frankly I don't give a damn because I'm a cat and boobs do nothing for me but I thought I'd pass this on for the greater good. Basically some Iranian dude named Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi pissed off some womens' groups around the world when he claimed that promiscuous women were responsible for literally making the earth move. He then went on to add, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." This Jennifer McCreight character created a Facebook page aptly titled "Boobquake" as a protest. Basically she's urging women to show some cleave on April 26th (That's Monday for you calendarically deprived!). I will support this cause because this dude is clearly a raving idiot. So yeah head on over to Boobquake on Facebook and see what it's all about. I'll post the text from it after this blog. ughh.. gotta run... my brother is peering over my shoulder repeating "Show me the boobies." Humans are so weird. Ru out!


Help fight supernatural thinking and the oppression of women, just by showing your cleavage!


----------------------
http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html


(For those who want a more serious explanation of the event, please go here: http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/quick-clarification-about-boobquake.html)


"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.


I have a modest proposal.


Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?


Time for a Boobqauke.


On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.


So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake!

Satan Worshipers Unite!

Coooouuuulllllllllllld it beeeeeeee........

SATAN?!?!?!?

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh bitch!! Satan wins it in double OT!!! He almost had it in the first overtime if Ryan Miller wasn't so damn good. He just tipped it away with his glove. I had a feeling after that....

The funniest moment of the night was watching my brother dance around in his Krejci shirt and underwear while swinging his rally towel. I really need to get a smart phone for this blog. 

SATAN!!!!

Battle of the Goalies

Effing amazing goaltending in this series and Game 4 was no different. Let's review the best save from each player.

....versus...

Tuukka better get rookie of the year.

by the way... the Bruins have led in only 19 minutes of this entire series.

Hey, Hey I Wanna Be A Rock Star

Just when you thought Tiger Woods couldn't get any douchier we find out he's a HUGE Nickelback fan. So that makes, what.... one of them? Damn, Tiger... Nickelback sucks! Not only do they suck, but they are Canadian. I would go as far to say that I might hate Nickelback more than Rush, and I LOATHE Rush. To be honest with you I have no problem with Tiger popping out his pink thing and humping some sluts. Hell if my pink think still functioned properly you bet your front right paw that I'd be doing it kitty style. I have two problems with Tiger. One is that stupid ad he did for Nike that featured his dead father's voice over while he stared like a goon at the screen. That was low. What if I did a promotional spot for my blog that featured the bad man yelling at me to get off the couch? Well.. the bad man is still alive thankfully...but you get the point. That just ain't right, son. The other problem I have with Tiger is emeffin Nickelback. CLEARLY Buddhism isn't working for him since he's still making awful life decisions like partying with Nickelback. Man... Nickelback.... just when you thought it couldn't get worse for Tiger. He is a sick individual. Golden showers...choking bitches...Nickelback... I mean.... does it get any worse?

Casting Calls

This came across my scratch post desk this after noon and I thought I'd share it with you. I effing love Will Smith!! I wonder how this movie would've turned out. 

How about this one?

Click here or on the Matrix picture to go to the source and see the rest.

Appologies

I feel as though I owe you guys an appology. I never meant for this to become a sports blog. Sometimes I get carried away because sports can make this cat very angry. So...as my gift to you I present you this picture of my nephew doing something stupid and I will try to keep it more well balanced.

Okay.... Back to bed.....

Victoria's Secret

Vicki has a secret: He throws like a girl. I call him Vicki for that very reason. We all know he's terrible a throwing out baserunners but at this point it's getting ridiculous. Last night the Texas Rangers stole 9 bases off of the Wakefield/ Martinez battery. Granted Wakefield's fastball is like 68 mph, but that's a record for Fenway Park! Lucky for us it was worse for the Padres in 2000 when the Marlins swiped 10. I wonder how it feels to be Robinson Cano? Since him 29 guys have successfully stolen, but he was the ONLY one Vicki picked off. I mean... that's hilarious given that Vlad was able to jack TWO bases in just a few pitches. Vlad runs like he's got metal legs. I wonder if Mike Lowell could run on Vicki. That dude is slow as shit. I have an idea. Next my brother goes to a Sox game I'm going to have him put me down on first base and then crack open a can of my favorite wet food on second base. I'm gonna run the shit out of Vicki like when I make a break for it outside to eat the grass. Actually maybe I won't even run to second. Maybe I'll just head to the outfield and mow some grass. mmmm.....

Don't look now but Varitek is tearing the cover off the ball! That's what happens when you rest the old guys!

Donde Esta Big Papi?

Darnell McDonald ties the game in the 8th with a 2 run bomb. Props to Tek for the double preceding that. It's the 9th inning with two outsould Darnell possibly do it again? He sure can! Most people were cheering about the walk off win and how awesome McDonald is, but I'm the Angry Cat and I'm gonna bitch. You know what sucks? That wall ball would' probably have been a 2 run double for Darnell but instead it gets scored as a one run single because it's a walk off. That affects his slugging percentage!! Bunch of CRAP!!

My main beef is where the eff was Big Papi? I watched the mobbing a few times over to look for the guy since this used to be his forte. Nowhere to be found. So the Big Mopey feels like when he's done he can leave the team. He should be out there cheering his teamates!! This underscores my theory that David Ortiz is ruining the clubhouse chemistry with his whining. Everyone on this team wants Lowell in there to DH but Ortiz repeatedly gets the opportunity to break the strike out record. That shit stinks like the sand box after my nephew is finished with it!

Big Pop-up... I'm calling you out!! Get out there and support your emeffin team you worthless piece of litter clump!!!!!

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaaaa I'm lovin it

Gimme back my filet of fish. Gimme that fish.
What if it were you with a 5 game loss streak?
If it were you with those losses you wouldn't be laughing at allllll.

Gimme back my filet of fish. Gimme that fish. 

My brother came busting in last night and woke me up from my damn nap. He had his blackberry in his hand googling Darnell McDonald. He was raving about the game and this rookie they brought up from AAA in Ellsbury's stead. I was all like "Dude... why the eff did you come bustin in here so loud? I thought you followed the baseball off season pretty closely!" I went on to remind him where McDonald came from.  I figured it'd be a good idea to give you guys the low down as well.

For those of you who watched the spring training games you may not recognize him because he strained his oblique and only managed 17 at bat. He was tearing it up in winter ball before that. Here's a timeline of how the Sox acquired him.

November 6th 2009: Reds sent outfielder Darnell McDonald outright to Triple-A Louisville.

McDonald got his first extended taste of the big leagues this season at the age of 30 and performed decently, but the former first-round pick is very expendable.

November 9th 2009: Darnell McDonald has refused an outright assignment to Triple-A Louisville and elected to become a free agent.

McDonald appeared in 47 games for the Reds in 2009, batting .267/.306/.400 with two homers, 10 RBI and 12 runs scored. He could latch on with a team that is desperate for outfield depth.

January 15th 2010: Red Sox signed OF Darnell McDonald to a minor league contract.

McDonald hit .267/.306/.400 with two homers, 10 RBI and 12 runs scored in 47 games for the Reds last season. A lot would have to go wrong on the Red Sox' depth chart for him to crack the Opening Day roster.

April 20th 2010: Red Sox purchased the contract of OF Darnell McDonald from Triple-A Pawtucket.

He'll take the place on the roster of Jacoby Ellsbury, for the next six days at least. McDonald, 31, was batting .341/.372/.683 in 41 at-bats for Pawtucket. Terry Francona could very well decide to use Josh Reddick against righties and McDonald against lefties.

So you see... Darnell had a rough time getting here before he made his impression. 

A little more about him: McDonald is 31 and the Red Sox are his seventh organization since 2004. A former first-round pick of the Orioles in 1997, he has been kicking around pro ball for 13 years. The Sox invited him to spring training as a minor-league free agent. McDonald pulled an oblique muscle and ended up with only 17 at-bats.


Old McDonald won the game ee i ee i who?

Now you know! I'm going back to bed.

Volquezadilla

Can you believe this emeffer? What kind of douche do you have to be to violate the MLB's drug policy after all the suspensions? Edison Volquez is a pompous ass. Who does this guy think he is? He's blaming it on a prescription drug he is using the facilitate a speedy recovery from his elbow surgery. You wanna hear the biggest joke? He can serve his suspension WHILE he's continuing his rehabd. Sooo basically it's only going to cost him a fine (granted it's 1/3 of his salary). Still! Wtf!!! That's not a suspension. That's a joke!

Link

Sav-ardent!

I know you guys were probably expecting to wake up to a post about one Darnell McDonald and the bench comeback by the red sox, but I'll be honest with you I found something a bit more exciting. It seems like Savard could be ready to return to the ice for Friday's game 5! He was cleared for practice Tuesday. I know what you're thinking, "but Rudie... don't you think it's a bit too soon for that kind of intense hockey action?" Well yeah if you got a nasty paw to the coconut you would probably not want to jump right back into things so soon, but Savy is clearly a beast. Me? I'd probably head down for a cat nap. Yeah... a cat nap! Being concussed and napping all day can make a cat really tired. I digress....I can see him used in a limited role like in a power play or penalty kill type of scenario. If nothing else just having his presence on the ice for some minutes will fire this team up!

Check out the link: Mark Savard May Return

p.s. expect a cat rant on the game later. It's time for another nap.

Man, It Sucks Getting Old

ughh...That was really rough. Damn arthritis.

Stop Eating Cats

Holy effin shit!! STOP THE PRESSES!!! Have you seen this anywhere? Someone sent this to me, and I was absolutely offended. This is an OUTRAGE! Do these people have ANY idea what they are implying here? This is gonna start a trend of eating cats and keeping chickens as pets. Chickens make HORRIBLE pets! Don't you know this? Look at that stupid chicken! It looks so dumb and yellow. It's a bird and it can't even fly!! They are also very aggressive and they WILL peck your eye out and then you will die. 

Isn't it bad enough that my brethren disappear in the allies of chinese food restaurants? Now this!?  I demand that ALL of these posters get recalled before people start eating cats! I DEMAND IT!!! 

Please write to your congressman and demand that this be banned. 

  STOP  EATING  CATS!!!!!!!  

Theo, Robot

My brother is a huge sports fan and since the Red Sox were such a huge deal in this house I got sucked in too. I'm not gonna lie I got a little emotional back in 2004 even though i was only 12 years old. My favorite blanket to sleep on is my fleece Red Sox blanket. I'm just starting to understand all the statistics that are involved in the game. To be honest with you I really just liked watching the players run around on the screen until recently.


My brother is always trying to explain these new statistics to me such as win shares, defensive sabermetrics and VORP (which apparently means "Value Over Replacement Player." Don't get me started.) Usually I'll just entertain him and sit there and purr while he talks. That tends to shut him up. With that being said I don't buy this new way of looking at baseball. I mean... wasn't this team supposed to be all about run prevention? I'd say it's more like WIN prevention. Sure, on paper we have a pretty nasty team and Beltre is an emeffin ninja out there. Our top 3 starters could be ace's on 90% of the pitching staffs in the MLB, but have they pitched like that yet? That's a big fat no. I mean... I have arthritis and I could hit bombs off of Lester.


What's with this whole idea about building a nasty defensive team? Where's the defense? I see balls hit into the gaps all night long. I'll tell you why too... Our pitchers are serving up meatballs. You know what else? This team is boring. The only thing that keeps me going is laughing at David Ortiz as he attempts to play professional baseball when he belongs in an old age home across the room from me. I mean... if the dude was a cat they'd surely put him down by now. He's fatter than my nephew too! That's fat!

Have you heard Theo Epstein speak in public? Of course you have. The guy is a social robot. It's like he has pre-programmed responses to every question. 

Theo, why does JD Drew suck? 

Theo: "JD Drew is one of the top 5 all around outfielders in baseball. He has an .892 OPS and is a smart baserunner." 

Right... but Theo.... why does he suck? 

Theo: "JD Drew is one of the top 5 all around outfielders in baseball. He has an .892 OPS and is a smart baserunner." 

uhh right.. he's always striking out? What's up with that?

Theo: "JD Drew is a lot of like Ted Williams in that he believes a walk is as good as a hit. JD Drew gives us solid at bats and wears down pitchers. JD Drew is one of the top 5 all around outfielders in baseball. He has an .892 OPS and is a smart baserunner."

Damnit you said that!! do you have anything else to add on JD Drew?

Theo: "Error 607 Does not compute. Does not compute. System reboot"

What a douchebag. I don't think JD Drew grinds out at bats. I think he falls asleep in the box. The ump probably wakes him up when he rings him up. 

Ump: "YEEEERRRRRRR OUT!!"

Drew: "huh...whaa...i fell asleep for a second. what happened? Did i walk?"

Catcher: "dude... you K'd again" 

Drew: "oh"

I'm sure you've heard the moronic Sox fans praising Theo for "winning us a championship" and calling the second coming. Well I think all this Theo is God talk went to his head, because he built this team in his image! I mean.. this team is a band of robots. No one is exciting on this team. I guess you can make an argument for Pedroia, but is there any bonafied superstar? Not here. There needs to be a huge shake up come trade deadline. I'm talking trading Buchholz, Theo Epstein and a handful of prospects for Adrian Gonzalez and Jed Hoyer. Yeah I went there.

Sand Sculptures

Dogs are so effing stupid. Really? Pee on everything? I pee in a sandbox. Do u know how awesome that is? You make these big giant clumps and those silly humans scoop it up. Sometimes I like to see if I can come up with any cool designs. One time I pissed a self portrait in the sand box. It had the big ears and everything! I was so proud that I quickly hopped out and went on a search for the first human I could find so I could show them. I saw CindyMom and gave her a big throaty Meowwww. She followed me to my pee sculpture and would you believe she scooped the damn thing out? I mean... Of all the disrespectful insensitive acts!! I'm still stewing about that one....

Music

I effing hate nickelback.

My Nephew Sucks

Seriously? Get the eff off me!

Poop More, Litter Less

Got this picture of this sign at the zoo courtesy of my lion cousins. Can you imagine cooking with poop? No, really. Your food would literally smell like shit! Who thinks of these things? Honestly. Just microwave me some emeffin wet food in a dish!

Scoot is Cold

Have you ever seen anything more effin ridiculous in your life? Hahaha

Cat Love

My brother is dating this girl named Maria, and she has a cat named Zoé. He's always talking her up and telling me that I gotta meet her and do a double date type of deal. Its starting to get on my nerves to be honest with you. I'm all like "Dude!! The bad man chopped off my balls! I'm no good!" Still he persists. Anyway... Apparently she thinks I'm cute and posed for this picture. It kinda gets my pink thing to poke out a bit. What do you guys think? Should I do her?

The Hockey Cat

I want to tell you guys that I am a huge hockey fan. Obviously the Bruins are my team because I'm a total homer, but I just love watching that puck go back and forth! It's like a little black fly that I have to catch! When I was a kitten I used to sit atop the old tube TV and try to catch it. I was training to be a goalie on the all feline hockey team. Anyway... the bad man upgraded to a 60" Plasma and put it on the wall. Needless to say I couldn't sit atop the TV anymore to train. I got old and I never made the team. Sad right? On the plus side have you guys seen HD TV? Hockey is the effin CAT NIP on HDTV! You can see the puck so well!! I will just sit on the couch and watch that thing fly around on the ice. Anyway... I digress....

Remember that hit on Savard by Matt Cooke? Total bullshit move! The bruins were total wusses on the ice when Cooke returned. They looked like a bunch of Yorkies running around and licking his face!



How sweet was it when Cooke got knocked the eff out by Evander "Holyfield" Kane?

Rainy Days

Man I love rainy days!

Papi Can't Catch A Break

Jay-Z is suing our own David Ortiz at a loft sum of 5 million for infringing on his 40/40 Club establishments. Big Papi creatively titled his Dominican night club "Fourty/Fourty." Well at least we know he wasn't skipping out on batting practice to come up with the club's name. I'm no lawyer but being a house cat I have nothing to do all day while everyone is at work, so I throw on a little court TV. My legal advice to David is to change the name of his club, because his pay day is going to run out real quick. I even have a new name for him! How about "0 for Fourty"?


Link: Rapper Jay-Z sues Red Sox David Ortiz

C'mon Creed Make Us Proud

ummm.... I used to be a Creed fan back when I was a kitten. I mean... how can you not love those rock out inspiring choruses? I'm starting to wonder if they enjoy being a joke or if Scott Stapp is SO naive that he sets himself up for it. Mr. Stapp recorded a song for The Marlins (HA!) baseball team. Anyway... I can't even be embarrassed for him because clearly he is very excited about soaring with the Marlins.

Naughty, Naughty

My owner likes to listen to 98.5 The Sports Hub in the morning before work, and I've become quite fond of The Toucher and Rich morning show. The other day they did this bit where Tony Massarotti reads some hilarious comments on a segment called "Naughty Massarotti."

Link: Naughty Massarotti

Do You Believe In Magic?

Have you guys seen this shit yet? I don't normally listen to rap music so correct me if I'm wrong: Don't these emeffers usually rap about killing and violence? What is this crap about magic and miracles? This is hilarious! Make sure you give the lyrics a good listen. My favorite line is "f*ckin magnets! how do they work?"

My first blog

Hello. This is my first blog. I will be abusing this opportunity to share my thoughts on various subjects. My first thought is this: I effin hate LOL cats. My stupid nephew is a LOL cat. See below...