Helping Ru Complete His Bucket List

Helping Ru complete his bucket list.

It's A Beautiful Day

Get off the computer and go  outside and play.

Get Me This Collar!

Hey bitches! I know it's been a while. It's been warm out and I've been spending most of my days trying to escape outside. You know how it is. Its tough being an indoor cat. Anyway... someone step up and get me this collar for my birthday. It's in august! I was gonna rip on lazy and stupid cats that don't know how to blog but damn this would be so much easier for me. I'd have more time to bum around.

Sony Designs Twitter Cat Collar

Sony and the University of Tokyo have developed a device that attaches to cats to allow the cat's activities to be posted as tweets on the Twitter micro-blogging site.

It's called Cat@Log . The scientists say that it is part of a new area of research on “human-pet interaction.”

The so-called 'lifelogging" device is a small camera, GPS and Bluetooth that is attached around the cat's neck.

Researchers say they attempted to determine an optimum design of the devices so they can be attached to a pet without causing it discomfort.

Preprogrammed phrases are triggered in real time based on what the cat is doing. Activities that trigger tweets include eating, running, and sleeping. There are currently 11 phrases but Sony plans to add more phrases.

Researchers claim the device has can recognize other cats' faces taken by the camera embedded in the device.

Sony's Computer Science Lab demonstrated a prototype of the device at Open House 2010. It is a chance for Sony to show retailers products the company plans to launch in the coming months.

cat@log: human animal interaction platform from rkmtlab on Vimeo.

What a Yo Yo!

This was brought to my attention today. This is has to be a joke because it's just way too pathetic to be real. Look at this guy! He's just swinging the yo yos around like a goon and then he falls! When he fell I lost it. The he gets all ashamed and wants to quit the yo yo business. haha. Maybe he should wear the blue angel helmet so he doesn't hit himself in the dome. What's with that rap too? Have you seen a weirder dude before? There are other videos of this guy. You gotta check them out... he talks about how his father was never around and how kids aren't raised well these days.... hahahaa

Pedroia Takes You To The Planetarium

Boston.com - David’s fine,’’ Pedroia said. “He’s one of our teammates. It could have been me that hit into a double play. It happens to everybody, man. He’s had 60 at-bats. A couple years ago I had 60 at-bats, I was hitting .170, everyone was ready to kill me too. What happened? Laser show. Relax. I’m tired of looking at the NESN poll: ‘Why is David struggling?’ David’s fine. We believe in him. He came out of it last year, he’s going to come out of it this year. Put that in your poll. I’m going to go online and vote. Papi’s fine. Thanks for playing.’’


You guys thought I was too damn old to jump up on the kitchen counter and climb my arthritic ass into the sink for some water. What happened? Laser show. I drank outta that faucet.

Sports and Politicians

First, state attorney general Martha Coakley and Sen. Scott Brown, now Mayor Thomas M. Menino?
During the unveiling of a new statue depicting Boston Bruins legend Bobby Orr’s “The Goal” on Causeway Street in front of the TD Garden, Menino managed to steal some of the buzz from Orr by first jumbling his words, then mixing in the wrong name for one of Boston’s greatest sports moments.
Menino was talking about great athletic feats in Boston history, and called them “ionic” moments (see the :35 second mark). He hailed Orr’s goal, Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary, John Havlicek’s steal and lastly, Jason Varitek splitting the uprights (see the :44 second mark).
Wait, that last one’s not right.
“In Boston, we have an amazing set of remarkable athletes whose actions have become ionic (sic) in sports,” Menino said. “Havlicek stole the ball, Fisk waiving the ball fair, Flutie launching the Hail Mary pass, Varitek splitting the uprights.”
What Mayor Menino meant to say was kicker Adam Vinatieri’s name. Vinatieri booted the game-winning 48-yard field goal in 2002 to help the New England Patriots beat the St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl, 20-17, as time expired.
The estimated crowd of 500 people and assembled spectators grumbled after hearing Varitek’s name.
The gaffe is reminiscent of when Martha Coakley, then campaigning for senator, said Curt Schilling was a New York Yankees fan, and last month when Sen. Brown, when asked about the Bruins and Sabres playoff series in the first round of the NHL playoffs, asked reporters if the Sabres were a Washington team.
The Sabres hail from Buffalo and Schilling helped the Red Sox to World Series titles in 2004 and 2007.
We're awaiting a call back from the mayor's office with his response, if any, to the gaffe.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Politicians should just stay out of sports. Clearly they have no idea what is going on and they only make themselves look like (bigger) fools. I'm a damn cat and I know who Varitek is. Remember John Kerry's Manny Ortez? How about Ted Kennedy's Sammy Sooser and Mike McGwire? Ok... I wasn't alive for that one. but yeah.. I don't even think they should throw out the first pitch. They all throw like a T Rex with the little arms!

Bruins Nation = Hybernation

This is my imitation of The Bruins performance tonight.

Dog Gone Delta

Where's Paco? Josiah doesn't know, his girlfriend doesn't know, someone at Delta might know. After all, Delta was supposed to load Josiah's new dog on the same plane that Josiah got on. Paco didn't land with them. Frantic, Josiah called around desperately before being told that Paco was safe and sound, being taken care of by Delta employees, who would put him on the next flight out. Paco wasn't on that one either. More harried calls and Delta told Josiah Paco had "escaped" and the best they could do is refund his $200.00 pet transportation fee, but only as a "credit" for future Delta travel. That doesn't do Josiah any good, as he's vowed to never fly Delta again. Here's his story, and more adorable/sad puppy pictures:


UPDATE: Delta Offers $380 Plus 2 More $200 Vouchers For Lost Pooch


UPDATE: Delta spokesperson Susan Elliott says, "This is extremely rare for a situation like this to happen." She says that they are going to be offering Josiah "additional compensation as well as our sincere apology."


UPDATE: Josiah says the dog was vaccinated four days prior to the flight for rabies, kennel cough, and giardia, and given two other drugs, Canigen L Canigen MHA2PPi. He says the vet told him that the dog only needed to be vaccinated 3 days before flying.


It should be noted that the rabies vaccine is not considered effective until 30 days after administration.


However, even if this was a factor, Josiah says he was not asked to show any proof of the dog's shots and Delta personnel told that this would be asked for in customs in Detroit.

I like dogs... I really do. I just think they are stupid. With that being said I think Delta employees are a lot dumber. Who loses a dog? How do you do that? and is that enough compensation for a lost pet? I don't think so. I would want that employee's head on a stick! How insulting! Can you imagine if I got lost on a plane? I wouldn't know what to do with myself! I would be meowing my head off. Who would open my wet food? Where would I get my dry food? Who's going to  turn on the faucet?!?!?!??? I would be looking for the nearest beach so I can go poop in the sand. On behalf of pets around the world I ask that  you all boycott Delta.....or they will lose your pets.

LoveStoned

Just when I thought my brother couldn't get any weirder he goes and covers Justin Timberlake of all people. I have to admit though... I was laying down on his bed while he was mixing it and it sounds pretty good. It is supposed to be released Monday but I hopped on his computer to blog and decided to release it early. Shh... don't tell him.

LoveStoned

America: Land of the Free?

Five students at a California high school were forced to leave school and then face disciplinary action yesterday for the crime of wearing clothing printed with American flag designs… According to local TV stations KTVU and NBC Bay Area, this bewildering and deeply unsettling incident happened at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, a suburban town south of San Jose. As KTVU reported, Five students at a South Bay high school stirred up some controversy Wednesday for wearing t-shirts depicting red, white and blue American flags on Cinco de Mayo. School officials at Live Oak High in Morgan Hill told the students they had to go home if they wouldn’t turn the shirts inside out… And the punishment wasn’t an off-the-cuff blunder by some inexperienced teacher; according to NBC, Galli says he and his friends were sitting at a table during brunch break when the Vice Principal asked two of the boys to remove American flag bandannas that they wearing on their heads and for the others to turn their American flag t-shirts inside-out. When they refused, the boys were ordered to go to the principal’s office. “They said we could wear it on any other day, but today is sensitive to Mexican Americans because it’s supposed to be their holiday so we were not allowed to wear it today,” Daniel Galli said.


The first time I heard about this I thought it was a joke. Then I started seeing news articles about it. I'm all like WTF?! Listen... I get that you humans like celebrating Cinco De Mayo because its an excuse to drink on a weekday. It does not represent Mexican American pride! Upon researching the holiday I found that it isn't even celebrated nationwide in Mexico. There is something seriously wrong in this country if you can't wave your country's colors around on any day of the year. You know how when dogs poop on the rug and they get their faces rubbed in it? This principal needs to be scolded and have his face stuffed in his own poop then he should be rolled around in a cat sand box. What a d-bag. I actually have a better idea... On the 4th of July he should be forced to walk around with a turbin, a fake bomb skirt and a t-shirt that says "I HATE AMERICA." Fitting.

Hitting Bombs

The Globe Metro Desk has the report .


"Bomb threat was called in. Bomb squad responded," said Officer James Kenneally, a police spokesman. "Nothing was found."


An official at Fenway said the gates were open at the park for tonight's game against the Angels and business was going on as usual.


"There was no evacuation of the ballpark," Kenneally said.


Dustin Pedroia saw the report on the bomb scare on television in the clubhouse. "Bomb squad?" he said. "They're early."

Thank goodness this cat can read. Pedroia is hysterical.

The Red Sox Hate Each Other

From John Tomase:
“Things haven’t really changed,” Epstein said. “We talked about this last week. We’re still playing bad baseball. Unintelligent, undisciplined, uninspired baseball. It’s got to change.


“It either changes itself or we have to do something to change it.”


A clear divide is opening between the veterans of the team’s World Series and playoff runs and the new players who were acquired to bolster the club this winter

I called it! The Red Sox hate each other. I knew this was going to be a problems from the get go. Ortiz is crying like a little girl because he sucks and he knows he's not going to get his contract renewed. You tell your centerfielder he has to push over for a 37 year old fossil that you signed to "take the place" of Jason Bay's "awful" defending (which has recently been proven false). Then you try to trade your veteran third baseman, Mike Lowell (whom everyone loves), for a bag of balls and a ham sammy. These players are pissed! The new guys have way too much pressure on them to produce and JD Drew is just hanging out oblivious to it all. I do believe that Marco Scutaro fits in quite nicely, but they NEEDED a short stop. So that makes sense.

The Dutch Oven Blanket

Ladies and gentleman I present you with The Dutch Oven Blanket. Does your partner like to fart in bed and trap you under the blankets? Well no more!! The Fart Blanket will stifle those scents before they reach your tender nostrils! haha this is ridiculously hilarious! Whoever invented this blanket must have had years of torturous farts released in their presence. How ridiculous is it that they used military carbon fiber? Was there a surplus of if just laying around? Maybe they changed the diet in the armed forces so the soldiers haven't been farting as much. Now we can have them in our very own home for the very low price of $39.99. Wait, what? Did they say THREE payments of $39.99?? Now that is ridiculous. I would be buying this for everyone I know for christmas but not for $120.

They have a good idea here but their head is in the wrong place. Dutch ovens are fun and hilarious. I'll tell you where the money is at. The "Better Marriage Pair of Pants." Yeah... I can think of a few people who could use that product.

Hockey Time!

I think bears are hysterical!! Check out the Bruins mascot doing the victory dance! Game 2 tonight bitches!!




Side note: Do you think he's related to the masturbating bear?



and how about this real masturbating bear?

Red Sox Hero Diagnosed with Lymphoma

Dave Roberts being treated for lymphoma

Dave Roberts, whose stolen base for Boston in the 2004 playoffs sparked the Red Sox to an elusive World Series championship, is being treated for Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Roberts was diagnosed in mid-March and he says the cancer was detected early. He says the prognosis is "good." He has undergone two rounds of chemotherapy so far.

"I expect to beat this fully," Roberts said during a conference call Monday.

The 37-year-old Roberts, who is working for the San Diego Padres as a special assistant, said he wanted to keep his illness private but knew that his appearance would be changing as he underwent chemotherapy.

"Going forward I definitely hope that I can keep this private with my family," he said.

Roberts said he began feeling soreness in his neck before spring training, then discovered a lump that began to grow.

He continued to work with players during spring training.

"It was a challenge," he said. "I had to kind of balance it and try not to do too much throughout spring training. But you know what? I wanted to continue with spring training and help this organization any way I could. Also, it was good for me. I didn't want to take the focus away from the players. I wanted to make it about them."

Robert said he informed a handful of players about his illness, and that the organization has been supportive.

"Just going to the ballpark and working with players, or going to a minor league affiliate and seeing the guys stimulates me and keeps me going and keeps me positive," he said.

He said he has to pace himself, however, and didn't go to the ballpark the last few days, when the NL West-leading Padres won three of four games against Milwaukee.

"I'm just trying to make sure I don't do too much in certain periods," he said. "I definitely have been in tune with the happenings of the ballclub."

Roberts played 10 seasons in the majors for Cleveland, the Los Angeles Dodgers, Boston, San Diego and San Francisco. The speedy outfielder retired after the 2008 season with the Giants, then worked in television last year for the Red Sox.

Roberts was a career .266 hitter with 243 steals. His biggest highlight came in Game 4 of the 2004 AL Championship Series, where Boston was three outs away from getting swept by the New York Yankees.

With the Red Sox down 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth at Fenway Park, Roberts entered as a pinch-runner after Kevin Millar drew a leadoff walk from Mariano Rivera. Roberts stole second on the first pitch and later scored the tying run on a single by Bill Mueller.

The Red Sox went on to win 6-4 in 12 innings, then became the first team in major league history to overcome a 3-0 deficit and win a postseason series. Roberts was on the World Series roster, but did not play as Boston swept St. Louis for its first championship since 1918.

In fact, Roberts did not get to bat at all in the 2004 postseason. Yet his steal was credited as spurring the Red Sox toward their title.

Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield was among Roberts' teammates that year.

"It's saddening to hear that a guy which has such great character as Dave Roberts has was stricken with the illness. I'm optimistic that it's going to be treated and he'll live a long and healthy life," Wakefield said before Boston hosted the Los Angeles Angels on Monday night.

"We prayed for him in chapel yesterday. Hopefully, a lot of prayers go his way," he said.

He will forever be a Red Sox legend.

This JustIn: Bieber

Bieber Takes Over from Justin Bieber

I honestly have no idea who this Justin Bieber kid is but someone sent this to me and I think it's hysterical. What's funnier than this 12 year old kid running amuck? The best part of it is the kid that commented on the video: 

"Is that you Justin? Please tell that's not you. :'(. I almost cried when I saw you say words like that. I'm thinking if I will be your fan again or I can never be your fan again. Just Please tell me the truth if that's you or it's just another video to make you look like a bad person. :(" 

I know this might be a case of the pot calling the kettle black since I had my cat nads chopped off but show some sack kid!

Does This Look Like the Face of a Happy Cat?

Are you effing kidding me? Water ban? I don't give a damn about water ban. Turn on this emeffin faucet, bitches!!! I've been sitting in this damn sink all day waiting for it. I am pissed. They better be working day and night to fix this water main. I'm not talking union Starbucks breaks either. These basts better be working through lunch, dinner and sleep. I'm talking shift change overs here. Whatever it takes. This cat is pissed and I want the damn faucet on. I am surrounded by bottled water but that just isn't good.

I'll tell you what is good though. The humans won't give me a bath. I effin HATE baths. What's the point of washing me with goose poop water? There is none. I still can't get over the fact that I have to drink out of a dish.... a heart shaped dish none the less! How humiliating. I say just turn the damn faucet on. Mexicans have been drinking their own excrement for years and you don't here about massive death tolls. The other thing is this: what happens when you get raw chicken juice all over your hands? You wash your hands in hot water and soap. That's supposed to do the trick right? So then feel free to wash your dishes, your hands and your body as long as you use soap and hot water! If I could figure out how to turn this damned thing on myself I would. All you stupid humans can drink out of your plastic bottles all you want, but please don't deny me this.

Recent reports are saying this could be anywhere from two to ten days. That is like a lifetime for a thirsty cat. If I was a cat in the wild I would be drinking out of puddles and nasty lake water and shit. Do you know what's in all that? animal poop. Yeah... same shit that's in your drinking water right now. What's the big deal? A little diarrhea is good for you! It cleans you out! ugh... they better fix this soon.....

Free bottle of Purel to anyone that gets me one of those Drinkwell water fountains full of whatever the crap bottled water you feel safe with.


'Boil-water' order issued for nearly 2 million in Mass.


A major pipe bringing water to the Boston area has sprung a "catastrophic" leak and is dumping eight million gallons of water per hour into the Charles River. Governor Deval Patrick declared a state of emergency and issued a "boil-water" order for Boston and dozens of other communities.


"The water is not suitable for drinking. ... All residents in impacted communities should boil drinking water before consuming it," he said at a news conference this afternoon.


Patrick said the state had asked bottled water companies to make more water available in the state and emergency drinking water supplies could also be made available to the affected communities through the National Guard.


"I ask everyone to check in on elderly or vulnerable neighbors," he said, and he asked people to avoid "unnecessary use of water, such as washing cars and lawnwatering."


The break is in a 10-foot-diameter pipe on Recreation Road in Weston, the authority said in a statement.


"That is a catastrophic break and we are currently activating the reserves," said MWRA spokeswoman Ria Convery. MWRA officials said nearly two million people would be affected in 30 cities and towns.

People flocked to stores to buy bottled water when they heard the news. In Lexington, an hourlong run on water cleared a supermarket's shelves. In Boston, Mayor Thomas M. Menino declared a state of emergency and took a number of steps to inform residents, including reverse 911 calls and sending officers into the streets with bullhorns. Downtown restaurateurs declared the boil order a major inconvenience.


The failed tunnel connects the MetroWest Tunnel to the much older City Tunnel, as water flows east through the suburbs from reservoirs in central Massachusetts towards Boston, officials said.


MWRA Executive Director Fred Laskey said the leak began between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. today and the pipe continued to break until it failed "catastrophically."


The "good news" is that "we continue to maintain the flow for firefighting" and for toilets and other non-drinking purposes, said Laskey, who joined Patrick at a news conference at the Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency headquarters in Framingham.


Because of turbidity it is impossible to see down to the leak and contractors and engineers have to wait until the tunnel drains – hopefully by tomorrow – until they can figure out what went wrong, Laskey said.


In a case of what a grim Laskey called “Murphy’s Law”, a system that would have protected against this catastrophic failure is under construction.


A far older aqueduct built in the 1940s – the Hultman - that carried water on the last leg of its journey to Greater Boston – was so riddled with leaks MWRA officials built the MetroWest Tunnel seven years ago. The Hultman was then shut off to repair the leaks and a series of connector pipes were built – much like the one that failed – to ensure clean water gets to the City Tunnel and then to faucets. Now, Laskey said, "we thought we could rely on this connector during that rehabilitation. It is Murphy’s Law."


The City Tunnel carries an average of nearly 179 million gallons per day towards the city, officials said.


Convery, the MWRA spokeswoman, said that a backup system would be used, which would pull water from the Chestnut Hill Reservoir and Spot Pond Reservoir, as well as an alternate aqueduct, the Sudbury Aqueduct.


But she said the water that flows from the system would need to be boiled. Communities as far north as Wilmington and as far south as Stoughton would be affected.


Water gushed out from the ground at the MWRA facility on Recreation Road near Interstate 95 in Weston this afternoon and flowed rapidly downhill into the Charles River. Crews stood by, waiting for the water to be shut off, as a crowd of reporters watched.


Laskey said he could not speculate how long the leak would take to fix. However, if a temporary patch to the steel pipe does not work, a new custom-made piece of pipe may have to be created.


“I don’t really want to speculate,’’ Laskey said at the scene in a phone interview. “We gotta get there to know.”


The state Department of Conservation and Recreation said the millions of gallons pouring into the Charles would not be a problem, even as the river’s elevation has risen.


“Our dams can handle this,’’ said spokeswoman Wendy Fox.


Tom Lindberg, an MWRA spokesman, said no homes or properties in the immediate area were affected by the rushing water.


The MWRA system provides water to a total 48 communities, according to the authority's website. The water comes from the Quabbin Reservoir, 65 miles west of Boston, and the Wachusett Reservoir, 35 miles west of Boston, and flows through aqueducts east into the Boston area.

Sunning

I know you guys want to hear what I have to say about the water ban. Don't worry. I'll get to it. I'm pretty angry about it but for now its a beautiful day and I'm gonna sit outside. Hahaha look at my dumbass nephew trying to sneak out. You're too fat bitch!!!

Round 2... FIGHT!

WHO'S READY???

12:30pm start? Ridiculous!!

I'll be honest with you. 

I'll be sitting out on the deck in the sun. 

Maybe I'll just listen to it? 

Tyson Chicken Ears

LINCOLN, Neb. – Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn't like being called "fat." Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.
He told them that he'd been bitten at a party.
Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.
Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.
Flood said the ear chunk was not found.
Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody Wednesday. Case records don't yet list her attorney's name.


You know what happens when I call my nephew fat? He bites my ear or he sits on me. This is a typical fat response. Maybe she should've sat on this dude. I think he would've learned a lesson. We as skinny animals are only looking out for the well being of the fat animals. You gotta tell them because apparently they don't see it! Some animals just can't stop eating like this Katie girl. She finished her sammich then decided to go for this dude's ear Mike Tyson style. Was the ear necessary? Couldn't you have skipped a course maybe? Maybe the Tyson brand should add ears to their frozen chicken products. Get it? Tyson? Ears? Chicken wings? right.... anyway.... Rylee just eats and eats and eats and you know what? Now he can't clean his pooper! That's right. He can't reach. I wonder if this girl can clean her pooper?

Dancing with the Stars

Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

There have been a lot of rumors going around that I, Rudie The Angry Cat, am not the author of this blog and it is in fact my brother Chad. I now provide you with video evidence of me reading over and typing up one of my past blog posts. Notice how dark it is in the room? That's because I do it while my brother is sleeping or away. Shun the non-believers!!

Don't Tread On Me

So my brother is into this workout called "CrossFit." I have no idea what it's about nor do I care. I'm past my active days. I don't even feel like batting a ball or chasing a laser pointer around anymore. Everyone in this family exercises, but I would much rather just sit in the sink and drink water out of the faucet. Anyway... Someone sent this to me so I think I'm going to recommend this workout to someone.

Pukey Puppy

WINONA, Minn. - Police say an 18-year-old has a pretty good excuse for why he crashed his car into a utility pole in Winona: his dog puked on him.


The Winona Daily News reported police found the car unattended last Thursday morning against an Xcel Energy pole. Witnesses told officers they saw a man leaving the area and walking a beagle.


The teen, who does not have insurance or a Minnesota driver's license, called police about four hours later to confess.


The man told police he was driving when his dog started "throwing up all over him."


Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams said the story checked out — police found vomit in the car.


The pole had only minor damage. The man was cited for driving without insurance or a license.


What do I always say about dogs? They are so stupid! When you're driving with your dog does the dog not hang it's head out the window with its tongue hanging out? Why the eff would the dog come back in and puke all over the car if its damn head is out the window. Man...I'm glad I'm a cat. Admittedly I do puke a lot but I'm old, I eat a lot of grass and my stomach isn't as strong as it used to be. I'm not puking on people though! I choose a nice visible area on the wood floor so people can see it to clean. Well.... mostly I want someone to slip on it. heehee ::evil cat face::

Enlarged Night Stick

JAKARTA (Reuters) – Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won't get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.

An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged," said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.

"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds.

A low-level separatist insurgency has waged in the resources-rich part of Indonesia for decades and there is a heavy police and military presence there.

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy) tree so that it swells up "like it has been stung by a bee," the expert said.

I say kill the bastards with the penis enlargements!! ALL of them! Not just cops! Okay...maybe I'm just jealous because mine got chopped off.

Aw Shit!

ALBION, Ind. - Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion.


Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun.


The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail.

Now here's a story for you. This dude hides in a mound of poop. Clearly he must've been high out of his mind if he jumped head first into the poo pile. Even on my craziest cat nip highs I've never wanted to go near poo. In fact I tend to run from it. I'll drop a number 2 in the sand box and then I'm out of there!! Sometimes I don't even bury it if it's bad. I'll just let one of the humans get it. Not this guy. This guy hides in it. Dog poo is the worst too.... well... my nephew's is the worst. I won't even go anywhere NEAR the sandbox after he's been in it. Oh man.. that's the WORST. You have a 3 minute window to scoop that shit because it is pungent. whhheeeeewwwwwww. Ok... that's enough poo talk for the morning.

Breakfast Brawl

Cafe owners come to blows in Somerville square

The one meal I love most in this world is breakfast. Everything that humans eat for breakfast I would just mow. My human parents like to eat breakfast for dinner on Tuesdays sometimes and I get so excited. Sometimes i will sit there and put on my cute face and purr.  Every now and then CindyMom will sneak me some nomnoms. Bacon is my absolute favorite. I will just chew on bacon all day long, but don't try to give me any of those effin beggin strips. I know the difference. You know what else I love? Corn muffin tops. ohh yes. I will eat the shit out of those and leave the rest. There will be muffin top crumbs stuck in my cat beard and I don't even care. They are that good. I especially love when there is butter on it. People leave their stuff on the kitchen counter and I will sniff that shit out and scavenge the shit out of it. mmmm....

This leads me to the point of this blog post... a few weekends ago my brother came home raving about this breakfast place in Sommerville called SoundBites and their grilled corn bread. He knows how much I love me some corn bread so I guess he wanted to rub it in that it was so good. I bit his nose. Anyway... I was browsing the net for shit to make fun of for you guys and this article came up and I thought it was fitting and hilarious. Literally right next door to Soundbites is this place called Ball Square Cafe which also serves breakfast and I guess the two owners hate each other. They get into frequent verbal and physical arguments. Over breakfast? Yeah.... breakfast is that good. I would scratch the shit out of someone that wanted to steal my bacon. These guys are spitting and throwing punches. I'm gonna go ahead and take the side of the SoundBites dude. I mean... what kind of a douche bag do you have to be to open up a breakfast place next door to another breakfast place that is pretty successful? Can't you just go across the street or maybe down the street a little? I feel like that would be more productive. Like... if you opened up a breakfast shop that was a quarter mile down on the same road then you would have fat humans being all like "OMG I want breakfast but I am too fat to walk to Soundbites. Why don't we just go to this Ball Street Cafe instead? That was I can be fat and not out of breath?" It's kinda like my nephew Rylee. Dude's all like "OMG KITTEH WANS NOMS. WERE IZ MAH NOMSSS?" Then he'll see my effin breakfast and the emeffer will mow that! Do you know why? Because he is fat and he doesn't want to walk all the way over to his food. Effin hate that because then the humans think that I ate it all and then I won't get any more foods. Maybe I should spit on that little bastard just like these two breakfast goons?

John Lackey: Muppet?

Have you guys heard John Lackey talk? It's hilarious. He sounds like a muppet. The post game interviews are great. I don't even know what he's saying but it cracks me up. In honor of him pitching today I will post you think hilarious clip from Toucher and Rich on 98.5 The Sports Hub.

Naptime

Takin a nap, bitch. Go away.

A Use For Dogs

Bark4Beer makes the world’s best dog collar: a retractable bottle opener and dog collar in one. That’s right, a bottle opener and dog collar in one. That means, no more searching for a bottle opener around your house, or at a pool party, bbq, or even at the beach — just call over your favorite four-legged friend. Add “fetch me a beer” to your dog’s bag of tricks. Our Bark4Beer dog collar makes a great gift for you, your loved one, fraternity brother, college roommate, hunting friends, tailgate posse and of course your dog. Bring out your inner party animal today.

Finally someone found a use for dogs. I just think dogs are so retarded. Do they even have brains? Like if I'm your cat and you come home from work I'm just gonna lift my head and give a "hey. sup?" You have things you have to do when you come home. Maybe you need a snack. Maybe you need to use the sand box. Maybe you want to change and flop on the couch for a bit. I'll come over to you when I feel it's time. A stupid dog will attack you as soon as you walk in the door and lick your face. Who likes to be licked anyway? That's so dumb. Is there food on your owner, you dumb dog? He probably tastes like sweat and farts from sitting in the car for so long. What's up with dogs that use the sand box all over the floor when you come home? You know what I do when I get excited? I purr and maybe give you a head  butt. I do not pee on your floor. Gross. 

I think this product is hilarious, because you call ol' Fido over and he thinks you're going to give him love and affection but really you just want a beer. haha stupid dog. Go get me a beer. I'm not a fan of beer at all. I'm more of a classy cat, and I choose to drink coffee brandy or Bailey's Irish Cream. This would definitely be an exception. I would drink the shit out of beer if I knew I could make a dog my puppet. If only I could teach a dog how to turn on the water faucet. Hmm... now that's an idea...

Watch this stupid dog...

Bud Light... pfffft. Just proves this dog is dumb.

Boobquake

Has any one heard of this? This was sent to me and frankly I don't give a damn because I'm a cat and boobs do nothing for me but I thought I'd pass this on for the greater good. Basically some Iranian dude named Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi pissed off some womens' groups around the world when he claimed that promiscuous women were responsible for literally making the earth move. He then went on to add, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." This Jennifer McCreight character created a Facebook page aptly titled "Boobquake" as a protest. Basically she's urging women to show some cleave on April 26th (That's Monday for you calendarically deprived!). I will support this cause because this dude is clearly a raving idiot. So yeah head on over to Boobquake on Facebook and see what it's all about. I'll post the text from it after this blog. ughh.. gotta run... my brother is peering over my shoulder repeating "Show me the boobies." Humans are so weird. Ru out!


Help fight supernatural thinking and the oppression of women, just by showing your cleavage!


----------------------
http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html


(For those who want a more serious explanation of the event, please go here: http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/quick-clarification-about-boobquake.html)


"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.


I have a modest proposal.


Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?


Time for a Boobqauke.


On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.


So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake!

Satan Worshipers Unite!

Coooouuuulllllllllllld it beeeeeeee........

SATAN?!?!?!?

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh bitch!! Satan wins it in double OT!!! He almost had it in the first overtime if Ryan Miller wasn't so damn good. He just tipped it away with his glove. I had a feeling after that....

The funniest moment of the night was watching my brother dance around in his Krejci shirt and underwear while swinging his rally towel. I really need to get a smart phone for this blog. 

SATAN!!!!

Battle of the Goalies

Effing amazing goaltending in this series and Game 4 was no different. Let's review the best save from each player.

....versus...

Tuukka better get rookie of the year.

by the way... the Bruins have led in only 19 minutes of this entire series.

Hey, Hey I Wanna Be A Rock Star

Just when you thought Tiger Woods couldn't get any douchier we find out he's a HUGE Nickelback fan. So that makes, what.... one of them? Damn, Tiger... Nickelback sucks! Not only do they suck, but they are Canadian. I would go as far to say that I might hate Nickelback more than Rush, and I LOATHE Rush. To be honest with you I have no problem with Tiger popping out his pink thing and humping some sluts. Hell if my pink think still functioned properly you bet your front right paw that I'd be doing it kitty style. I have two problems with Tiger. One is that stupid ad he did for Nike that featured his dead father's voice over while he stared like a goon at the screen. That was low. What if I did a promotional spot for my blog that featured the bad man yelling at me to get off the couch? Well.. the bad man is still alive thankfully...but you get the point. That just ain't right, son. The other problem I have with Tiger is emeffin Nickelback. CLEARLY Buddhism isn't working for him since he's still making awful life decisions like partying with Nickelback. Man... Nickelback.... just when you thought it couldn't get worse for Tiger. He is a sick individual. Golden showers...choking bitches...Nickelback... I mean.... does it get any worse?